im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
