Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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