we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
