Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
