she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
