Apparently you make a good broom.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
