i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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