dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
