I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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