Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
