My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
