I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
