woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
