I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
