"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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