Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
