Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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