i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
