I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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