she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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