He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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