My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
