I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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