somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
