once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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