just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
