yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
