It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
