But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am mentally ready for anal.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
