Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
