I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
