His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
