Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
