i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
