her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
