How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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