I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
