omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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