dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i think my cat just said my name.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
