Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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