Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
