I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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