I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
