Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
