Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
