Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
