you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
