Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
