He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
