how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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