I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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