Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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